Why and when to ask for help
Sometimes, there are complications in the grief process.
The following questionnaire is designed to help you detect if someone is experiencing any possible complications. If you answer yes to most of these questions and notice symptoms that persist for more than two years following the loss, don’t hesitate to seek professional help.
- Do you have strong reactions when talking about the deceased?
- Have you noticed an absence of reaction, or a persistent sense of indifference or emotional numbness?
- Do you experience intense feelings of grief over relatively minor events, losses, or separations?
- Do you stay overly active in order to avoid any repressed ideas or feelings?
- Are you unable to part with any of the deceased’s belongings?
- Do you tend to idealize or glorify the deceased to an extreme?
- Do you have symptoms similar to those of the deceased?
- Are you obsessed by the deceased?
- Do you have any extreme fears related to the cause of death (illnesses, cars, specific stretches of road) or to places associated with death (hospitals, funeral homes, etc.)?
- Have you noticed any new physical problems?
- Do you have a lot of anxiety about your own death or that of others?
- Are you in a constant state of depression, anger, or euphoria?
- Are you unable to experience certain emotions that are specific to grief?
- Are you unable to talk about the deceased and any emotions related to their death?
- Do you tend to isolate yourself and have a fear of intimacy with others?
- Do you have persistent thoughts of suicide?
- Do you use drugs or any other addictive substances?
- Do you suffer from persistent sleep problems?
- Have you become hypersensitive to loss and separation?
From La psychologie de la mort et du deuil by Josée Jacques, 1998
Beyond the context of mental illness, there are 4 recognized types of complicated grief:
Absent grief: An individual doesn’t allow themselves to openly react to the loss and they carry on as if nothing has happened. They may develop physical symptoms related to their unresolved grief and this absence of emotion can last for years.
Delayed grief: Feelings of grief appear long after the death of a love one. Often, the grief process was delayed in order to deal with immediate issues surrounding the situation—but the grief process can’t be put off indefinitely. At some point, something seemingly unrelated to the initial loss will trigger these emotions and grief is then experienced in a more excessive and painful way.
Inhibited grief: Feelings of pain and sadness are avoided and replaced by other emotions such as anger and guilt, which are experienced to an extreme. These exaggerated emotions serve as a distraction and keep the individual from processing their sadness.
Chronic grief: The period of mourning does not appear to end. Individuals may be aware that their grief is unduly prolonged but are nevertheless incapable of moving forward without experiencing intense feelings of guilt.